


Think

by wesleyfanfiction_archivist



Category: Angel: the Series
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-06-25
Updated: 2005-06-25
Packaged: 2018-05-30 20:58:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6440257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wesleyfanfiction_archivist/pseuds/wesleyfanfiction_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hey, dad, what do you think about your son now?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Think

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Versaphile, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [WesleyFanfiction.net](http://fanlore.org/wiki/WesleyFanFiction.Net). Deciding that it needed to have a more long-term home, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in February 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact the e-mail address on [WesleyFanfiction.net collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/wesleyfanfiction/profile).

A/N: The timeline of this story switches back and forth between present day (S5) and flashbacks.  
*** 

He's managed to get lost twice on the way to his office. The first time a very nice, young girl from Accounts Receivable gives him directions. He must've taken a wrong turn somewhere because twenty minutes later he is back in the lobby barely knowing which way is up. Finally he's at his desk and grumbling about how this would never happen at the hotel. But then he reminds himself of all the extra resources Wolfram and Hart can provide them with, and he seems to have calmed down.

He barely gets a chance to relax, though, before a sheepish looking boy is at his door with a box of his things. Standing to thank the young man, he grabs the parcel and sets it on his desk before looking through it. He removes all of the usual accessories that adorned his old desk: a picture of Cordelia, Angel and him taken years ago, what's left of his copies of the Watcher Diaries, a calendar, some charmed objects. And that's when he sees it.

He reaches inside and pulls out a wooden plaque with the word 'THINK' written on it in clear, black letters. It takes the wind out of him because he doesn't know where it came from; he hasn't seen it in years. He sits down hard in his chair and stares down at the object in his hands. The memory of the day his father gave him the sign is still fresh in his mind.

***

Wesley smiles big when he goes to blow out the candles on his cake. The other children seem disinterested, but he doesn't care because it's his eighth birthday and he feels older. Soon, after everyone has had a slice it's time for them to leave. When they have all gone, Roger Wyndam-Pryce takes his son aside into his study.

"I know today is your birthday and that you want to have an enjoyable time..."

Wesley's eyes light up, hoping his father has a surprise for him.

"But your friends have left now and your party is over," Mr. Wyndam-Pryce continues. "You're a growing boy, and I will not tolerate any more of your mediocre behavior."

Wesley's face falls, and he stares intently at the floor.

"I have a gift for you." He walks around to his bookshelf and picks up the plaque. He tries to hand it to Wesley, but his son won't accept it. "I don't want to live like this forever, Wesley. I don't want to be ashamed to call you my son. Hopefully this will remind you to think, something I doubt you've done."

***

Wesley knows that the last words that will ring out in his mind will probably be his father saying "Why didn't you just *think*, Wesley? Think!" Anger wells up inside of him, and he throws the tablet across the room. It lands with a crash against the wall.

***

Wesley is very proud at school the day after his birthday party. He smugly walks with his chin in the air, showing off his new spectacles to all at the Watcher's Academy. As he enters the cafeteria with his lunch he can hear his classmates whispering all around him, but he pays them no attention and looks for a seat. Only, no space is free. He tries several times to sit with different groups of boys but they just ignore him and move their books in his way.

He stops for a moment and thinks, like his father told him, and makes a decision. He throws away his food and goes to his next class, deciding he's not hungry anyway.

***

He thinks about Faith sometimes. No, he thinks about Faith a lot. In some ways, she ruined his career, ruined his life, and he hates her for it. But then other times, most times, he understands that she saved him. If Faith had never come along, he would probably still be a Watcher. He would probably still be miserable. But then again maybe he wouldn't be such a disappointment to his father.

Thinking about Faith always makes him a little uneasy.

***

Wesley has never felt so much pain as when he got his throat slit. Justine comes from behind and slices up his neck. He falls to the ground gasping, choking, dying.

It's horrifying lying helpless on the ground, not being able to scream or move. But he can think; there's always time to think. He wonders if anyone will find him before he dies and he wonders what his father will think of him now and then he wonders if it's terrible for thinking that.

But, oh! A man is coming. Perhaps he'll call for help, and Wesley won't have to die bleeding in a park. He asks if Wesley's okay, and he tries to respond but can't. When the man takes money out of Wesley's pocket, he loses hope.

***

He thinks about Lilah, too. Sometimes late at night when he's alone in his office at Wolfram and Hart she comes to him. He can never stand to be around her for too long, always making some excuse that he has work to do or that he has an early day tomorrow. He doesn't want her to know the real reason, though she's sure he does. He thinks she feels it, too.

Tonight when she comes looking, he won't be here.

***

Wesley thinks about the easiest way not to fall to pieces. He's trying to be strong, but it's just so difficult. Watching anybody, especially your lover, die is never easy. But they've only begun. They haven't had nearly enough time. It's all so unfair.

She slips away slowly, his strong girl. He admires her for being as brave as she is when he's trying and failing to keep it together. Why her? Why now?

Wesley holds Fred tightly in his arms and loves her 'til her last breath. As he cries, he thinks. Someone is going to pay.

***

He's dying. He can feel it, and it feels wonderful. He's dying here in the arms of the woman he loves, and he couldn't be happier. And he thinks how fucked up that is and how fucked his life has become. And he doesn't care. He's going to be with his girl, now.

He's fading away, and the last words that run through his mind are not "Why didn't you think?" but instead "I love you." And he knows that he's won.


End file.
